Iuvart: Prince of Angels

The North Wing was almost completely silent that day. It seemed that time itself had stopped. Hell was experiencing an uneasy and unusual moment of peace...At the end of the North Wing hall was a massive vault door, one with many locks and chains holding it shut. The only sound in all of Hell (save for the sounds of fire and screaming in the "disposal pits") was a hollow buzzing coming from the door. Behind the door a dark figure stirred in his binds. Two silver eyes opened suddenly, piercing the darkness like unearthly candle flames. It was at that exact moment that the chains binding the figure shattered and a thousand other pairs of eyes that seemed to be lining the walls opened as well. A siren went off in Maxwell's tower and the silence in Hell was shattered entirely. It seemed that this was the start of a battle unlike any other.

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Calamity had been enjoying the silence ever since it started only a month before. She was, at present, taking the last drag of a cigarette as she watched the monitors. Western wing, unusually quiet. Eastern, just the same. Satan's vault, locked up tight. Southern wing, no trouble there. Northern Wing...a siren went off suddenly, jolting her out of her relaxed state. At the end of the Northern Wing the vault door containing the 16th Devil, Iuvart, was bending and warping as though under great stress from some sort of strong magic. She frowned and stood up, turning sharply to Maxwell.
"The vault in the Northern Wing is breaking. Did you unlock it at all recently?" She suspected he hadn't but it never hurt to ask.

The monitor behind her showed the chains on the door breaking and 15 shadowy beings phased through the door.

Maxwell was having a nice day. There was a spring in his step and a massive amount of stimulant in his bloodstream. He was on top of the bottom of the world, and hecouldnt think of a single thing that could spoil his day... He took a moment to think about what a dumb thing that was to think, and how it would likely backfire horribly before an alarm started going off...it was a big one.

"Fuck." Maxwell said helpfully.

If it had been a small alarm, he was sure that he would have been fine and dandy with just ignoring it, they usually went away after a while, but this one was one of the big ones, the ones that meant something was about to make his job harder.

"I dont pay me enough." he sighed. Then he turned to calamaty, who asked him a question he wasnt sure how to respond to... after a moment he settled on sarcasm.

"Yes, i did, it seemed like the godamn angel queen would be a fine dinner guest. I mean, put a nice bonnet on her and shes a godamn.....wait."

Maxwell consulted a little black volume he had suddenly aquired somehow.

"Ah....it's a he....he will....no the joke is dead, even i cant salvage that." He said, sounding almost depressed. He sighed. "Right then. Calamity, keep me informed on where the little shadowy assholes are going....i have to go deal with....uh....yeah, the PRINCE of angels."

So saying, maxwell steped confidently out of the control room, and as the door closed behind him he let out a little chuckle. "Ah, i have no godamn idea how to deal with this." he said, faking a cheery smile for the camra he was sure calamity was watching him through.

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It was cold....real godamn cold. It pierced through the very core of Aphos's being, untill he felt like he was simply going to turn to ice, and die... it never happened of course, that was the genius of the invention. He would curse, but it would take energy he didnt have.

It was, much to its desighn, a little personal hell for aphos. He wasnt sure how many days had passed since he had been enclosed in ice...probably a lot. But it hadnt gotten any less aggrivating... to make it worse, his fight with the guards had ended up breaking his glasses... So now, apart from being cramped and freezing, the pod around aphos was also blurry....in fact, it was more or less unseeable...

He schemed in his mind, about the things he would do when he got out....it was sort of all he did most of the time, that and playing impromptu games of blind solitaire.

He jumped slightly as he heard a sound outside the pod....what was going on? It sounded like shattering metal...that and....what the hell....hopping?

The walls of the Northern hallway were alive with shadows. They were faint, barely visible, but they were there. Most of them stood still, a lot of them flickered and danced as if cast by flame, others occasionally stepped away from the wall to merge with the wall opposite of it. They were all quite busy with something, although it wasn't apparent what. One of the shadows was steadily creeping along the floor. It came to a halt at the cross section of the hallways. A huge square plaza of sorts. The shadowy being rose from the ground and stood in the dead center of the room, still as a statue. It hefted a large greatsword over its shoulder and spread its wings to make itself look more picturesque. The Dark Angel fixed its eyes on Maxwell in the distance, but it did not move.

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Outside of Aphos' Pod, a 5 foot tall rabbit stood, staring at a stop watch in it's paws. It looked up at the metal door, which was presently bending and crunching at a rapid pace, and slowly placed the watch back in his pocket. The door fell away easily and the rabbit stared at the frozen man inside. In fact, he seemed to stare at everything. His large unblinking red eyes seemed in constant panic yet eerily calm, and as he looked upon the frozen figure before him he chuckled quietly.

"You're not at all fond of this cold, are you?" His voice was a hollow rasp, an echo in his throat. The rabbit laid a paw on the ice and it began to melt away. He pulled a small coffee table from his coat pocket and placed it in front of the thawing ice. On the table he placed a deck of cards, a shotgun, an array of poisons, a large golden coin, a broken pair of glasses, and a black opaque bottle labeled with a big yellow smiley face, all of which he pulled from his coat pocket. The ice was almost entirely gone now. The rabbit nodded his head at Aphos and smiled, revealing jagged teeth and two broken front teeth that would make a child cry.

"Mr. Aphos, enjoy your journey into the rest of Hell. Lucky as you may be, keep your wits about in the dark. You're blind as a bat when you're fighting an eagle." And with those cryptic words, the rabbit sank suddenly through the floor, leaving a stopwatch in his place.

Maxwell Blinked...then burst out laughing. "Heheheheh....*gasp*... You look...like a bad CGI moth when you do that." he said, still almost doubled over in laughter. "I mean...I'm not sure why but you just....hee hee....augh....gimmie a minute gimmie a minute." *chuckle....chuckle.* "okay, okay, im good...i mean, if you were more 3d then that might be intimidating, but you look like a big bird nailed to a wall....ah....thats nice....heheh....anyway. I Could probably make you look more intimidating with some glow paint, but then if you moved....you know what?" Maxwells tone abruptly changed. He tossed a small vial up in the air, and caught it in his teeth, crunching down on it, and letting its contents, a shot of his favorite insane drug, drop into his throat. His eyes suddenly became far more sharp. "Fuck it....and fuck you too.... you're in my hell, and im gonna fuck your shit up." Suddenly maxwell had two pistols drawn. The bullets had flown before the sound even hit.

DMG 100 (physichal)

Maxwell adjusted his tie, gun still in hand. Then, he threw his arms wide, and with a knash of his ever so creepy teeth, he said what he had really been thinking basicaly the whole time. "Come at me motherfuckers."

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Aphos nodded "Yeah i really am not a fan of the cold and....and you're gone, thats fine too....huh." he shrugged, no point in getting worked up over a giant rabbit randomly helping him for no reason and then burrowing off through solid floor....no, that was totaly normal, why wouldnt it be? Internaly he decided to file the experience in his 'Deal with it later' file.

Scooping up the pocket watch, more out of curiosity than desire, he pocketed the timepiece, and, having done so, took off down the halls of hell.

As he walked farther and farther things began to come clearer for him. At first it was a little voice in the back of his head. "Im free..." And louder. "Im free..." Untill it was a chorus in his head, and he let loose with a laugh that would have put the villans of the world to shame. It was time to bring down the house...in a big way.

The angel took a defensive stance as Maxwell spoke, using the flat of the greatsword as a shield of sorts. As soon as the bullets struck the sword it shattered, sending shards of black and silver metal flying everywhere. The angel narrowed its eyes and threw the broken handle aside. There was a large hole in its torso which was leaking white blood. The angel shrieked, a sound so shrill and awful that a nearby speaker burst into flame.

Back in the tower Calamity tore away her headset with a startled yelp. She tossed the set to the floor and clutched her right ear which was currently ringing and bleeding. She would be useless for a while.

The angel spread its wings and with surprising speed it launched itself and Maxwell into the air. It formed in its hand a ball of shadow, which it launched at Maxwell.
(Maxwell succeeds in an IMAGINATION roll, changing the Shadow Ball)
The shadow ball, much to the angel's utter confusion, warped into a box of clean tissues just before it hit Maxwell. The angel seemed slightly stunned by this development. It beat its wings hard, sending Maxwell flying back into a wall.
(roll a 10)
The wall hits Maxwell for 10 damage.
(roll a 1)
The box of tissues strikes Maxwell in the face, hitting him for 1 damage.

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In Aphos' pocket the stopwatch began to glow. The hands of the watch began to spin furiously backwards and all at once the watch had placed him elsewhere.

Aphos found himself standing between Maxwell (who was on the floor under a box of tissues) and a large Dark Angel (who was hovering above Maxwell and bleeding from a huge hole in his torso).

Maxwell grinned as the shadow ball turned to tissues. "Ha, got an issue, grab a-" Perhaps mercifully for the wold at large maxwell's pun remained unfinished. He slammed into a wall, making an unhappy grunt. "You ruined my pun!" He yelled indignantly. "For this....You DIE!" he said, and without missing a beat, he pointed at the angel. "Dont get a swelled head motherfucker!" Maxwell said, satisfied that his pun had gone interupted this time.

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Aphos suddenly found himself somewhere new... "I dont even..." he said, then realised that the security officer of hell was pointing three inches to the left of his face...he felt a rush of heat beside his cheek....and then, turning around, made a strangled noise at what could have been him.

The angel screeched as Aphos appeared. Unfortunately it had no time to react before Maxwell's fireball (40 physical damage, 10 burn damage) slammed into it's face, sending it reeling backwards. The creature clawed at it's melting face and suddenly burst into a cloud of ash and soot.

Back in the tower, Calamity was regaining her wits. She shook her head to clear her vision and squinted at the monitor. She frowned at what she saw. Breathing hard, she reach for the intercom button.
"Maxwell, there are two more down the hall. One coming for you, one guarding the vault. There are actually a lot of these fuckers...The hell?" She looked at the other monitors. Each screen displayed angels tearing open pod doors and a fascinating array of creatures running off into the shadows. Calamity cursed and reached for the button again. "They're setting a bunch of things free. Just...just head for the vault and secure that. If Iuvart gets out we're fucked."

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Down the hall an Angel held two shadowy blades, one in each hand. Unlike the others, one of its eyes was clearly visible. A white patch of scarring covered it and it seemed as though the injury was the only thing making it visible. The Angel was breathing heavily and it seemed to know that Maxwell had just killed one of its brothers. The Angel began walking slowly towards Maxwell and Aphos.

"Hey!" Maxwell said indignantly. "Stop blocking my view of face meltings!"

Aphos blinked. "Right" he said "Ill just be going then." He said, beggining to walk away.

"Get the fuck back here." Maxwell said cheerfully.

Aphos sighed, and turned around, hands thrown up in derision. "All right, what are you planning to do oh great and powerfull dickhead? Get into a fight with iuvart about to get out? I daresay you dont have time to chase me down." He said, with a healthy ose of self satisfaction.

Maxwell thought about it. "You're right." he said, a little too happily. Then he took out a remote from his poket and presed a button, causing a huge security door to close both of them off in the corridor, with the only way out being towards iuvart. "You can take lead."

Aphos blinked... It didnt help so he did it again. "...well fuck you too." he said.

"Im flattered but-"

"Heres an idea,dont finish that sentence." aphos said.

Maxwell grinned "Fine, like i said, get going."

Aphos grimmaced... "Have i mentioned i dont like you?"

"I think it was mentioned as i was locking you in a freezer."

"Right, after iuvart, you're next." He said, and then, began to stride towards the vault. As the first angel, originaly coming for maxwell approached, a bullet flew right at its head from maxwell's left pistol, and aphos dashed past.

[Attack 105 damage]

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Aphos was making good time towards the vult when he saw the hazy form of what he figured was an angel. "Damn you guys are causing some issues arent you. Im afraid..." Aphos drew his shotgun from midair. "...Im going to have to request..." He cocked it and pointed it at the angel with a grin. "That you get the fuck out of my way." He fired, a solid slug round, likely to fuck up anything in its path.

[Attack: Instadeath 7:7:7 JACKPOT]

The Angel moved quickly, barely visible, towards Maxwell and Aphos. It smirked as it approached the bickering pair. The Angel became very suddenly visible, both swords flashing as it charged for Maxwell. It realized a second too late that Maxwell had fired and attempted to dodge.

(Dodge attempt: Utter failure.)

The bullet struck the Angel's shoulder, severing it's right arm. The sword it was holding fell to the floor with a loud "clink" and the severed arm disintegrated on its way down. The Angel narrowed its eyes and screeched in protest, flinging the sword at Maxwell's chest with a great force.

(Attack, Physical: Failure.)

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The Angel materialized before Aphos, raised a great silver sword, and let out a shrill roar. It froze as its head was promptly removed, and seemingly stuck in the position of attempted attack, it crumbled to ash before him. Another Angel stood not too far off, eyes wide in horror and disgust. It sank into the wall and darted away before it could be noticed and fall to the same fate.

All around the Northern Wing the shadowy figures against the walls seemed to become aware of what was out there, and it seemed that Hell brightened up a few shades as they began to flee. Focusing now on opening pods, the Angels seemed to have a new respect for the true Gods of Hell.

The vault door before Aphos wheezed and the heavy bolt lock slid back slowly.

"Murderer..." A booming baritone voice echoed throughout Hell.

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Calamity shivered as the voice shook the tower.

"Be careful Maxwell, Iuvart's really awake now."

Maxwell let out a small chuckle as the sword flew towards him. "Okay...okay." He said, and the sword stopped in midair, seemingly stuck in a field of particles, looking almost like static on a television set. "That....is not how swords work."

The sword suddenly leangthened and stretched untill it was a large jagged spear. "Let me show you how these things are done." Maxwell said, and shot the spear through the air, aiming to pierce right through the angel's chest cavity.

[Attack: Death]

Maxwell's eyes narrowed as he heard iuvart. "Well....guess id better go help the icy little asshole" He grumbled. And started off towards aphos.

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Aphos was not perticularly happy about the closeness of the prince of angels, but then...he was not the type to be intimidated lightly. Or to miss an oppertunity to offend someone.

"Yup, thats me, taking out little shadowy fuckers left and right, lemmie tell ya, i just cant get enough of blowing out angel brains, halos shattering to shit, music to my ears you stupid bastard, so come and get me if you think you're demon enough. Im the god damn master blaster and i will fuck your shit up so hard it wont come down for a week."

Feeling that his point had been made, aphos cracked his neck to the side, and waited for the likely enraged responce.

The Angel spun around and attempted to run, it's face flushing with terror and shock. The sword pierced through its re-animated heart from behind and the being let out a gargled squeal before turning to ash. The hallway was suddenly much, much brighter without the crowds of Angels watching from the walls. They had seen enough slaughter for one day.

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Calamity facepalmed as Aphos spoke. She shook her head, leaned back in her chair, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"He really is suicidal. Not afraid of death. So sure that he won't die...No wonder Maxwell hates him. And vice versa." She laid out a line of coke and glanced up at the screen. She had confidence that this would be an easy battle between the two of them.

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The door swung open, but everything inside was pitch black. It seemed that there was nothing but infinite space beyond the door. In the center of the room two glowing red orbs appeared. A faint red glow spread, lighting up the room.

The room was tinted red. Not with the glow of the light, but with blood. What was once a stainless steel chamber was now a box of bloodsplatter, soot, and ash. In the center of the room, sitting cross-legged atop a pile of shattered chains, Iuvart grinned. At first glance he was simply an extremely tall Angel with shadowy black wings. His form was entirely human, and he wore only ragged, torn pants. Long black hair cascaded over his shoulders. He shot Aphos a wicked grin as he stood slowly.

"Is that confidence or bravado?" His voice shook the room. Before Aphos could reply, Iuvart produced a sword and flung it at his face. Or rather...he tried to.

(Attempt to attack: Thwarted by Luck Bonus)

The pile of chains below him shifted under his weight and Iuvart slid as he threw the sword. The blade flew past Aphos about three feet to the right and lodged itself into the wall. The Prince of Angels cursed, the resounding "FUCK!" shaking the vault door off of its hinges.

(Iuvart is staggered)
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Calamity laughed mid-snort and the cocaine sprayed back out of her nose.

"Worth it. Worth it all the way." She chuckled, cleaning the blood from her nostrils.

Maxwell heard the "FUCK!" And smiled bemusedly. That was not something you heard every day. He sort of wished he could though... he would have to have a recording of it mounted to a button in his office. Like the "That was easy" button that some retail chain on earth had....but much funnier.

As he skidded around the corner, an odd sight greeted him. Aphos standing oubout five feet away from iuvart, pointing and laughing, before shooting a slug at him from point blank range. Maxwell figured they might as well start it off with a bang, and added his own brand of deadly to the bullet.

[Imagination Attack + Bullet... LIMIT BREAK!!!! RAWWWWWWR!!!!!!!]

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Aphos looked at iuvart for a moment... there was a slight pause, a snicker, and then aphos burst into laughter "Smooooth man, that was the worst shitflip i have seen in a long time....damn....but you know what?" Aphos pointed his shotgun at the angel's stomach. "...That's still....NOT HOW YOU USE A SWORD!" he yelled, and then pulled the trigger, his gun jerked slightly down as a force swirled around his bullet, pulling the trajectory down about a foot.

The world seemed to slow down for a moment as aphos observed what was going on. Oh yeah...this would be a story told in hell for a real long godamn time. Making the best of the mistake, Aphos decided to have another crack at the angel prince before the anvil dropped. "You shoulda worn a fucking CUP!"

Iuvart's eyes went wide with absolute horror and time seemed to slow down. "No, wait a seco-AH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT!"

The bullet had hit him directly in the dick.
(Dick Shot: 150 damage, physical)

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Calamity fell out of her chair, laughing until she could no longer speak at all.
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The Prince of Angels stood slowly. The hole in his pants seemed to have re-sewn itself shut, but his twitching eye betrayed his cool exterior. The truth was he had just been shot in the dick.
(Negative -5 on all rolls)
A large black and red scythe appeared in Iuvart's hands. With a defiant roar he slashed the air in front of him, sending a dark wave of energy at Aphos and Maxwell.
(Attack- Imagination: Mostly successful)
(The two managed to dodge most of the attack, although Aphos's leg was gashed around the ankle and Maxwell's shoulder was also slightly cut. 10 damage to each of them.)

As the dark energy wave rippled outwards, maxwell whipped his hand through the air sending the energy spiralying, though it still managed to rip a small gash into his shoulder, not deep, but not fun. Rather disturbingly, he grinned, showing all of his slightly-unnervingly sharp teeth. "Allright then." he said, You wanna play with energy? Lets." He said, and with a flourish, maxwell had ripped open a rift in the air, and a whorl of angry red energy blasted out, swirling around iuvart like a living thing. It would do no physichal damage, but its touch would burn like fire, and would leave the angel dissoriented if he didnt get out of it quickly.

[Imagination attack Salificent Red]

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Aphos could not stop smirking, despite his new injury, he was sure his face would be frozen that way for eternity. He was pretty much fine with it. It was a day ripe with insults, and aphos was a godamn fruit picker in the insult orchard. "Well, i guess you could say the balls are in our court now." He said, hoping it hurt iuvart as much to hear the pun as it had hurt him to make it. He was sure that his next action would make up for it if it hadnt. He flipped his shotgun around in his hand, holding the barrel, then lining it up like a baseball bat... "Flyball bitch." He said, and swung right at iuvart's face.

[Attack, epic facepwn....maybe]

Iuvart frowned. He would have to try harder with these fools...The swirling wave of energy scorched his skin and inwardly he was releasing a great deal of profanity.
(Damage: 45)

On the outside his face showed only annoyance and dick pain. "You really are a pest, you know that?" He snarled, locking eyes with Aphos. His form flickered and he was suddenly about 3 inches from Maxwell's face. Before he could attack he felt cold metal connect with the back of his head and he stumbled forward into Maxwell.
(Damage: 85 to Iuvart.)

Iuvart's vision went blurry as the shotgun's barrel connected with the base of his skull. His forehead slammed into Maxwell's face, staggering both of them.
(15 damage to Maxwell because Angels make excellent padding)

Iuvart stumbled backwards, attempting to catch his footing. He readied his scythe, glaring at Maxwell and Aphos through concussion-blurry eyes.
(All evade attempts receive -10, Due to low health Panic sets in and removes the -5 dick pain affliction)

Maxwell rubbed his forehead, wincing. "Jeez jackass, couldnt you have Knocked the angel dude into a wall or something?" maxwell complained.

"Hey, how about fuck you." aphos responded, giving Maxwell the finger. "You stuck me in a fucking freezer, if i want to throw an angel at you then i will throw a motherfucking angel at you."

"Yeah well, if you wouldnt keep running away." maxwell said, returning the gesture.

"Dude...this is hell, think about it."

Maxwell seemed to think about it for a second. "Fine." he said "But let's discuss it after we destroy this fluttery tool."

"Agreed."

With this, the two turned simeltaniously to iuvart.

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Maxwell took a deep breath, and then let loose a blast of screaming phantasms and lightning from his mouth along with what sounded disturbingly like guitar riffs, in a whirling mass, towards iuvart.

(Maxwell-Attack-Imagination-Screem0 blast)

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Aphos grinned evily "Lets fuck this motherfucker up man..." He growled. And then, he leveled his shotgun at iuvart, and fired ten times far faster than should have been possible.

(Aphos-Attack-Pure death-Slueth diplomacy)

"Fluttery tool?" Iuvart looked horribly offended. He tried to straighten himself up, but his injuries just made him loose his footing and stumble again. He was too weak to win this and he knew it. The only thing he could hope to do was leave his mark in Hell. He looked up at Maxwell and Aphos, nodding slowly. "Impressive. Very impressive. And the fact that you two are arguing is just wonderful. Unfortunately..." he hefted his scythe in one hand and the blade began to radiate darkness, almost as if it were glowing black. "I'm going to have to cut you off." As Maxwell launched his attack, Iuvart slashed the blade downward with enough force to shake the entire room. It sunk into the metal floor like a knife cutting a cake. A huge wall of black flame surged forward from the cracked ground around the blade. It didn't seem to be directed at them...No, it simply passed between the bickering men and tore down the hallway, releasing hundreds of small, shadowy beings as it did so.

But Maxwell's attack had hit him hard.
[85 damage, physical. Stagger effect.]
Iuvart let out a strangled cry as he was thrown backwards into the wall. For a moment it seemed as if the attack had killed him outright. Then his eyes fluttered open and he moaned, shifting slightly. He had only enough time to see the end of a shotgun barrel and utter the words "Oh fuck me..." before the bullets flew.

[100 damage, OVERKILL EXTREME]
As the bullets pierced Iuvart's body, blood and bone flew everywhere. By the time the tenth shot was fired, there was no body left at all. The only thing that remained was a half-shattered skull with two perfectly unharmed eyes. The scythe clattered to the ground, no longer a knife in cake.

[Eyes of Iuvart have been won by Aphos. In addition to giving him the gift of sight, he will be able to detect other Angels much faster than anyone else. Twice a day he will be able to look into someone's mind for any information he desires for 5 minutes at a time. Look, but look fast. If brought down to 1hp he gains "Paralyzing Glare".]

[Master Scythe of Angels has been won by Maxwell. This scythe has a base melee damage of 20 if not enchanted. It is meant to be a vehicle for imagination attacks. Enchantments can be "imagined" onto the scythe and will be effective for 1 hour after being placed. This scythe can be used to turn the mind of 1 Angel once a day, forcing it to attack your enemies for you and become an ally for 30 minutes.]